By Charlotte Wilder
Ezekiel Elliott made a big splash in Week 1 of the NFL season when he pulled up his shirt to reveal a tattoo in gothic script that said “FEED ME” across his stomach.
But there’s one thing wrong with it. It should’ve included the little trademark™ symbol, because Elliott has filed the paperwork to make the saying his, and his alone. According to the filing, Elliott first made the claim on September 16.
Elliott famously pantomimes eating out of a bowl (at least that’s what I envision him eating out of — it could very well be a plate) after he scores touchdowns, which is often. The running back is a powerhouse on the run. While the Cowboys have done many things wrong in the past twenty years, they’ve done one thing very right by feeding him the ball.
I’ll be honest — I’ve always thought that trademarking phrases at all seems like a ridiculous thing to do. But that could just be jealousy, since it seems like a good way to make money. I should have a monopoly on the ability to embroider “Wine Time” on a T-shirt, but I do not, and the only person I have to blame is myself.
Elliott is clearly hoping that “FEED ME” will pay off and has big plans for those two little words. If you read the fine print, it says he has marked it for, and I quote:
“Mark For: FEED ME™ trademark registration is intended to cover the categories of athletic apparel, namely, shirts, pants, jackets, footwear, hats and caps, athletic uniforms; Athletic uniforms; Gloves as clothing; Headbands for clothing; Hoods; Infant and toddler one piece clothing; Jackets; Jerseys; Ties as clothing; Triathlon clothing, namely, triathlon tights, triathlon shorts, triathlon singlets, triathlon shirts, triathlon suits; Wearable garments and clothing, namely, shirts; Women’s clothing, namely, shirts, dresses, skirts, blouses; …”
I don’t know where to start in terms of which item would look funniest with Zeke’s phrase on it. The idea of a skirt or a blouse with “FEED ME” written across the hem really sends me, but so does legal language in general: “gloves as clothing” — like, what else would they be for?
My one big question, however, is this: who is going to wear a triathlon singlet (???) with “FEED ME” across the butt? On the other hand, endurance athletes must be very hungry all the time, so maybe it’s a natural fit.
Anyway, sorry to everyone who had big plans to make clothes with “FEED ME” written on them. Zeke is now officially in the game. Long live the United States Patent And Trademark Office.
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